It shouldn't be so difficult to find like-minded kayakers....

After a bunch of frustrating non-starters yesterday, I figured, if I can’t focus on anything now, at least I want to get out and kayak, which is a major de-stressor for me. I would go alone if I felt safe, but I am still too much of a newbie. Since my daughter is away, had every opportunity to go out kayaking this week, go away for a few days, and I couldn’t. The boat has been sitting on top of my car since Friday.

So, I overcame my usual social anxiety and posted on a statewide kayaking FB page I was looking for people to kayak in the area with - kayak owners, specifically, because of our flexibility in terms of where and when we can go. Currently, I only have one person I go with and I would like to widen my circle. 99% of the organized meet ups are on Saturdays when I can’t go.

I was quite specific—about not being available Saturdays but otherwise flexible. That I can go farther away, but would rather not all the time and I suggested some closer venues. Believe me, I have spent more time researching where to go than actually going, because I lack partners. I said I was looking for other kayakers in the area to go with on an informal basis. 

Most people had useless responses, things I already know about where to go. Or they’d suggest things over an hour away that I already know about. I don’t mind going to those places, but I was posting to look for people to GO with. One person said, yes, great—and she organized it for Saturday, the one day I can’t go! [[headdesk]]]

Finally one guy and another woman (he seems normal but she’s got all these wacko conspiracy theories all over her page including one about "international banker" takeovers and you know what that means) expressed interest for Friday, so we set it. And my friend and usual partner joined in - which fine, but the purpose of my posting it was to find additional people. So far, only the conspiracy theorist is the only one who confirmed it, so I begged out. Sigh. Why is it so hard to find local kayakers who I have something in common with??? I already feel socially uncomfortable, and being a fat kayaker who might not be taken seriously as a human being doesn't help.

Really, all I just want to meet a few people whose company I enjoy who also kayak, who I can just go with without an organized meet up. People I have things in common with. I go with a very nice group an hour away, but they don’t have open meet ups that often. Also, when you are with a formal outing, there isn't much time flexibility. You can't be spontaneous.

At this point I think I just want to get out there, even if I’m alone, just to get out on the water. I feel self-conscious and not very safe, but I'm tired of not going.  I was already frustrated that I didn't go as much as I wanted to in Puerto Rico. If I weren't so body-conscious and worried about safety, I think I'm better off alone some of the time, really. I can be out on the water all day as long as I am well-supplied with sunblock. But I don't want to be alone all the time.